40 questions to ask your partner to feel closer
After a while, couples stop asking each other questions. Not because there's nothing left to learn, but because daily life asks all the questions: what's for dinner, who's picking up whom, did you pay that bill. Here are forty better ones.
They come in four sets, from light to deep, and end with a few flirty ones. You don't need to do them all at once. One good question a day does more than forty in a night.
How to ask so it works
- Pick a good moment. A walk, a drive, the end of dinner. Not while someone is replying to work emails.
- Answer it yourself too. A question is an invitation, not an interview.
- Follow up once. "What made you think of that?" is usually enough to go one level deeper.
- Don't fix, just listen. If an answer touches something tender, you don't have to solve it tonight. "Thank you for telling me" goes a long way.
Easy ones
- What's the best way for you to end a long day?
- What's a small thing I do that makes you happy?
- Which memory of us do you come back to most?
- What would make this week better?
- If we had a free Saturday with no plans, what would you want to do?
- What's something you've been looking forward to lately?
- What's a song that reminds you of us?
- Where would you go if we could leave tomorrow?
- What did you think of me the first time we met?
- What's something you'd like us to do more often?
Getting to know you again
- What's something you've changed your mind about in the last year?
- What are you proud of that you don't talk about much?
- When do you feel most like yourself?
- What's something you wish people asked you about?
- What did you learn about love from your family?
- What's a dream you've quietly let go of, and would you want it back?
- What makes you feel taken care of?
- What's one thing you'd like to learn together?
- How do you like to be comforted when you're having a bad day?
- What's something you're still figuring out about yourself?
About the two of you
- What makes you feel my love the most: words, touch, time together, or little gestures?
- When did you feel closest to me recently?
- What's our best habit as a couple?
- Is there something you'd like me to understand better about you?
- What's your favourite way to make up after an argument?
- What do you think we're better at now than when we started?
- What's a tradition you'd like us to start?
- What does a perfect ordinary day together look like?
- Is there anything you've wanted to ask me but haven't?
- Where do you see us in five years, and what's one thing you hope stays the same?
A little flirty
For when the mood is right. Keep it light, and answer them yourself first if your partner is shy.
- What's the most attractive thing I do without noticing?
- When do you want me most?
- Where do my kisses feel best?
- What would you wear to drive me wild?
- What's the best night we've ever had, and why?
- What gets you in the mood fastest?
- Is there something you'd like to try that we never have?
- What's your favourite part of the night: the build-up, the first kiss, or falling asleep close?
- What do you think about when you think about me during the day?
- If tonight could be anything, what would it be?
Make it a ritual
Questions work best in small doses, every day. One question, two answers, a minute or two of talking. Over a month that's thirty conversations you wouldn't otherwise have had, and they add up to knowing each other better than any big talk does.
One question a day in La Brasa
La Brasa asks the two of you a question every day. You answer first, then see your partner's answer, so nobody is influenced by the other. You can react to what they said and build a streak, and every answer stays in your shared history for the two of you only.
Get it on Google PlayWant more? Go further with 50 deep questions for couples, or warmer with 50 flirty questions.
Want a quick way in? Take the spice-type quiz together and compare your results.