Things to do in a long-distance relationship: 25 ideas to feel close
A long-distance relationship doesn't run on one long video call a day. It runs on lots of small things: a good-morning voice note, a question you both answer, a film started at the same second, a letter that arrives unannounced. Here are 25 ideas, from everyday to special.
None of them needs much money or matching schedules. Pick three or four and make them habits; keep the rest for when you want something different.
Small rituals that don't wear you out
- A good-morning voice note. Thirty seconds of your voice beats "gm" with an emoji.
- The same question of the day. You both answer, then read each other's. It's tonight's call sorted.
- A photo of what you're looking at. No posing: your desk, your window, your coffee. The simplest way to share a day.
- A wordless "thinking of you". A heart, a tap, a song. It asks for nothing back, which is why it lands.
- A song a day. One each, in a shared playlist. After a month you've got the soundtrack of your distance.
- "Good night" at the same moment, even if it's still afternoon in one of your cities.
Video-call dates
- Cook the same recipe at the same time. Same ingredients, two kitchens, dinner together.
- Cinema on three. Pick a film, press play together and keep your mics off until the best bits.
- Order the same takeaway and dress as if you were going out.
- A walk "together". Headphones on, each of you in your own neighbourhood, showing each other what you see.
- A book club of two. Same book, a chapter a week, one call to talk about it.
- Game night. Would you rather, tier lists or a how-well-do-you-know-me quiz, cameras on to see each other's face.
Games for different time zones
With a time difference or shifts, doing things live gets hard. These you each play when you can and compare later.
- Would you rather. Answer on your own, then compare. Here are 60 would you rather questions for couples.
- Tier lists. Rank the same things (dates, foods, trips) from S to D and compare.
- Truth or dare by text, the gentle version: a dare can be "send me a photo of your favourite spot at home".
- Guess where I am. A photo of a detail from your day; three guesses.
- Twenty questions about us. One thinks of a shared memory; the other guesses with yes or no questions.
Surprises that travel
- A handwritten letter. It takes days to arrive, which is exactly why it moves people.
- A parcel that smells like you: a T-shirt, your perfume on a scarf, the coffee you drink together.
- A surprise takeaway delivery on a day you know will be hard.
- Open-when letters: "open when you miss me", "when you can't sleep", "when you've had a bad day".
Thinking about the next visit
- A shared countdown. Watching the days drop helps more than you'd think.
- Plan the trip together, even a weekend: looking for the place is already a date.
- A "when we're together" list. Small things you jot down for weeks: a bar, a film, a long breakfast.
- Decide the first thing you'll do when you meet. Having that picture in your head makes the wait easier.
10 questions for long-distance couples
For the week's long call, or to answer in writing and read each other's later.
- What do you miss most about being in the same place?
- Which moment this week do you wish I'd seen?
- When have you felt closest to me while we've been apart?
- What's hardest about the distance, and what's easier than you expected?
- What would you like me to do more often when we talk?
- What does an ordinary day look like when we live close?
- What's the first thing you want to do when we see each other?
- Which habit from now would you like to keep when we're together?
- Is there something you haven't told me because it didn't sound right by text?
- What helps you feel loved when I'm far away?
More in 40 questions to ask your partner. For the last one, our love language quiz helps you both put it into words.
What the research says
A study published in 2013 in the Journal of Communication (Jiang and Hancock) compared long-distance couples with couples who lived close, using a diary of their conversations. The long-distance couples talked fewer times a day but felt closer: they shared more about themselves and tended to see each other in a better light. The useful part for you is the first one: what brings you closer isn't how many calls you make, but what you tell each other on them. The ideas above are there for that.
Games and a question a day, each in your own time
In La Brasa, the daily question and games like Would you rather or tier lists are answered whenever each of you can, and you only see your partner's picks once you've both answered. One tap sends a "thinking of you" or a kiss, and your ember lives on both home screens as a widget.
Get it on Google PlayLooking for an app for all this? See the apps for long-distance couples that actually bring you closer.
Questions
How do you keep a long-distance relationship alive?
With small, frequent things more than long calls: a daily ritual you can do out of sync, a video date now and then, surprises that arrive by post and a date for the next visit. And by telling each other real things, not just how the day went.
What can you do on a video call with your partner?
Cook the same recipe at the same time, watch a film by pressing play on three, eat the same takeaway, play would you rather or a gentle truth or dare, or read the same book and talk about it. The point is doing something together, not just looking at each other.
How often should long-distance couples talk?
There's no right number. It works better to agree on a rhythm that suits you both (say, a good-morning message and a long call twice a week) than to force a daily video call that starts to feel like a chore.